


A Secret I Will Never Tell

by ForFucksSakeJim, Priestlyislove



Category: Milo Murphy's Law
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Body Modification, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Medical Torture, Meme lords, Memory Loss, Present Tense, Sexual Humor, Trans Male Character, Unethical Experimentation, Vinnie is cavs whole world, Y’know this would be a really cute domestic fluff piece if it weren’t for all the angst, find the Disney reference, how gay can these two possibly be, lovesick fools
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-14 19:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForFucksSakeJim/pseuds/ForFucksSakeJim, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Priestlyislove/pseuds/Priestlyislove
Summary: Dakota would do anything for Cav. That includes undergoing horrific experiments to keep him alive for another day.Simple, easy love is nothing more than a bedtime story.





	1. A Deal With The Devil

The office is deafeningly quiet, and everytime Dakota imagined getting caught, it was nothing like this.

For one thing, he had not been surrounded or pinned or even handcuffed. He didn’t cease to exist. Cavendish hadn’t suddenly vanished from his life. He had just been called down to Mr. Block’s office, as if he was a second grader who needed scolding from the principal. That was the other thing. It was just him and Dakota, sitting in silence.

“Can I help you with somethin’, sir?” Dakota forces a smile. He was going to deny it no matter what. He’d play dumb until it killed him. He could do this much for Cavendish. Do this much for the man he loved so intensely.

Mr. Block was not having it. “Don’t be coy. You’re in fine physical health but you move like your joints ache and your hair’s gone prematurely gray-well, not really premature, is it?” He chuckles and Dakota doesn’t so much as breathe, afraid even the smallest of movements will reveal himself. “How old are you, agent? What was thirty like? Forty? Sixty?”

  
He trembles. It’s been harder to stop doing that lately. “Why am I not in jail?” He blurts. The tension is killing him. Being tackled to the floor doesn't sound quite so bad anymore.

“Because I’m a nice guy,” Mr. Block begins to open the briefcase on his desk, not taking his eyes off Dakota. “And I’ll do this for you, but you have to do something for me, too.” Dakota watches him, he looks for any indication of a trap, he knows that it is. With a deep breath, he takes the bait.

“What kind of something?” Dakota inquires, every alarm blaring inside his head that no good can come from this. His instincts telling him to grab Cav and run. 1800’s Scotland sounds nice right now. They could raise some sheep or something. Learn to knit. Live a simple life. Invent milkshakes early.

Cav always said he loved the country. It was peaceful. They were both in need of a little peace. They could get a little cottage by the sea. And just stay there for the rest of their lives. Grow old together, and grayer. Happy and content. Maybe have a baby. They talked about kids before. Knew it was something they both wanted. For once in their lives, maybe they could get what they wanted.

“Clearly you’re not afraid of disobeying the natural order and cheating death,” He speaks as if the matter was simple, as if it was a normal business proposition he was delivering. And to Block, it was. “We need somebody like that. Never thought I’d be calling you useful, but here we are. I’ll keep it short and sweet: technology doesn’t just happen. Miracle cures, antidotes to life’s cruelest disasters, immortality itself! It’s obtainable. Through tests. We just need a test subject. You’d die for one man, how about all of mankind?” He leers. Dakota’s heart beating so fast he feared it would break from his chest. His blood turned to ice as it coursed through his heart, panic spreading throughout his veins. What kind of twisted acid dream had he ended up in?

“You’re crazy.” His situation is dire, his life and the life of his lover is in the hands of his boss, and he insults him. He really needs to learn how to shut that big mouth of his. Knows that even Cav tells him to watch his mouth. Unless it’s his big mouth around his cock. Then Cav seems to not mind so much.

Mr. Block picks up a pen off his desk, clicking it incessantly. The sound is hypnotic. “That’s for history to decide. No madmen and no heroes, not yet. For today, you and I are just men. Men with missions.” He looks up at Dakota. “Is yours worth this much to you?”

“He means the world to me,” Dakota does not miss a beat. His mind has been made up on this matter for a very long time. Perhaps since the first time Cavendish smiled at him all those years ago. It felt like centuries ago, but it also felt like minutes ago.

Every smile, every little kiss against skin. Every late night takeout dinner. Everything about Cav was enough to keep saving him. So they could have more everything’s. Hit with a new burst of bravery, he continues, “If you’ll keep my secret and-and you have to let me keep doing it, I need to be allowed to keep doing it, then I’ll do... _it_. Whatever it is that you need me to do.” Living a life without Cavendish wasn’t really a life worth living at all.

Mr. Block’s lips twitch up into what had to have been a smile. He throws the pen to Dakota, knowing full well he wouldn’t catch it. Dakota climbs out of his seat and grabs it off the floor, bones creaking with the movement. He suppresses a groan-he refuses to give Mr. Block that satisfaction. Once he is back in his seat, Mr. Block turns the briefcase so he can see its contents. Vials of brightly colored liquids, a ray gun, and a contract. “The things we’ll do to you have never and will never be seen as ethical. You might die during the first test. We might discover something worse than death. If you manage to survive, you’ll go to the lab once a week. I’m sure they’ll give you take home activities, too. It’s going to be a time commitment. Don’t tell anyone. If you compromise our mission after signing this, then the bureau can legally terminate your life.” He pushes the briefcase closer. “Or just keep you in a jar.”

“And the alternative?” Dakota asks dryly. He knows the answer. He doesn’t know why he asked.

“You’re put on trial for your crime, and regardless of the outcome of that, agent Balthazar Q. Cavendish is killed. It’s the only way to reset the natural balance.”

“Awesome,” Dakota grits through his teeth, but he’s signing it. Of course he’s signing it. 

“Then we’ve come to an agreement.” Mr. Block extends his hand. “To put it all in layman’s terms, I won’t tell if you don’t tell.”

Dakota accepts his hand, and Mr. Block’s grip is firm and unforgiving. He holds it just long enough to make it uncomfortable before he stands, “let's have a drink, agent. It might be your last.”

His stride is powerful. Confident. It’s the straightest thing he’s ever seen, and he’s seen Brick in a speedo with socks and sandals (Vinnie cried). If there is any weakness in his heart, you would never be able to tell. He opens the cabinet, pulling out two short glasses and a bottle. He walks back behind his desk, and if Dakota had been a younger man, he might’ve tried to throttle him right then and there.

“One of the perks of running a time travel agency,” Mr. Block pours as he speaks, “is you can get your wine from any time period you’d like. An 1825 Pierre-Jouet. Very exquisite. Highly expensive. Tastes like truffles and caramel. You should be so fortunate as to taste it. It was a gift from Agent Touille.” He takes a glass, and motions for Dakota to take the other. “I think this calls for a toast. You’re about to become a part of something so much bigger than you. Isn’t that absurd? Of all the capable agents we have, you’ll be the one working to change the future. Destiny is strange like that. Cheers, _Vincenzo_. It’s a pleasure doing business with you.”

“The pleasure’s all mine,” Dakota stares at him with empty eyes, downing his glass in one go. Doesn’t allow himself to taste the wine. Knowing it’ll remind him of the one person he’s fighting for. He makes a mental note to pick up truffles for Cav, they are his favorites after all.

He doesn’t understand what he’s signing up for, not really. He’s not clever like that. He couldn’t bargain his way out of a paper bag. He knows the conditions are not in his favor, but he always knows he has no power here. Not that it matters. He would sign up for anything. This is for Cavendish, what’s he going to do?

His phone vibrates as he leaves the office, briefcase in hand. He takes out his phone and smiles at the message:

 **Cav:** _I’m picking up dinner from that 1700’s pizzeria you like. Love you._

Dakota sighs, a lovestruck look on his face. His thumb ghosts over the screen as he types out his response. His heart fluttering as he hits send.

_Sounds wonderful. Love you too <3_

And his choice couldn’t have been more obvious. He would do anything for that man.


	2. Getaway Car

Months. He had lost track, but they told him it had been months.

Months of injections and pills and surgeries that did not make Dakota feel immortal. They just made him feel sick. Every week he had to escape Cavendish’s watchful eye, giving him half baked excuses and false promises that this time would be the last time he had to ditch him. Every promise sealed with a kiss. Every week new tests, new formulas. New side effects.

Worrying his weakening would be noticed became pointless rather quickly. The change was glaringly obvious. These days he can not walk half of a block on his own. He’s tired all of the time and aching and feeling like his whole body is trying to drag him down. At least the pain isn’t quite as sharp as it was when he got started. His body numbing probably wasn’t going to be a good thing in the long run, but he needs the little victory right now so he just appreciates that the pain doesn’t keep him awake anymore. The fitful nights made Cavendish worry. Dakota offering to sleep on the couch just made him worry more.

And when Dakota moves to make good on his offer, Cavendish is there to softly pull him back. Dakota all but melting to the shape of him. A whispered plea of “Stay.” And Dakota stays. Tells himself he’ll just fall asleep on the couch the next night. He makes good on his promises. Remembers falling asleep on the couch, but still wakes up in their bed. It feels like it’s just prolonging the inevitable. And it’s hard.

But when Cav kisses his neck, it reminds Dakota that all of this has been so very worth it. Standing together in their cramped little bathroom as Dakota fumbles with the pill bottle. Cav wraps his arms around him, hugging him from behind, inadvertently giving him extra support to keep him on his feet. He mumbles against his shoulder, ”Vinnie,” his name has never sounded so good, “what are those pills for?” Vinnie can feel his stomach drop at the question. Who knew a five word sentence would have such an impact on him. He’s thankful that Cav can’t see his face. Can’t see the array of emotions that filter across his face as he struggles to find the right words, a good lie.

Dakota tries to shrug. He’s on so many different tests right now he’s not entirely sure what they do. He briefly wonders what pills he left out. Briefly forgets that he has the little pink pills in his hand “Health, s’for my health.” He mumbles, he knows he doesn’t sound convincing but he hopes Cav buys it. Heaven knows his health could use whatever help it could get.

“Vinnie.” There's his name again, he always thought his name was ok. But hearing it come from Cav’s lips made it sound all that much better. Even while it’s laced with that reprimanding tone. He can’t blame him for it. It comes from a place of worry. A place of love.

“It’s nothing.” Dakota lies again with a little more conviction as he wipes his nose with toilet paper, the nasty dark red color a sharp contrast against the white. He folds it quickly and prays Cavendish does not see its imprint. He turns around in Cav’s arms, throwing the tissue in the trash can as he does so.

“All I want is for you to tell me the truth. Please.” He takes Vinnie’s hands in his. His blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. His hair is mused, his bangs almost covering his eyes. And it kills Dakota to see him like that. See him vulnerable. But it’s worse to see him dead.

“I am.” He lies again. He never thought it would physically pain him to lie. To lie to Cavendish. To lie to the one good thing in his life. He puts on a fake smile as he wraps his arms around his lovers neck.

Cav touches his forehead with his, his eyes closing softly at the contact and Vinnie feels lighter than he has in a while. Wants to ask Cav to carry him to their bed.

And just as the thoughts left his mind Cav chuckles and picks him up. _I must have said it outloud_. Dakota thinks as his head rests against Cav’s chest. Thankful when he hears his heart beating. Remembers why he’s doing all of this.

The trip to their bedroom is short and Cav sits on their bed, Vinnie still clinging to him as he lays them down. Cav pretends not to feel Vinnie’s tears as they fall. He just hugs him closer. As close as he can. Their bodies molding together just like they always do. They had always fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces. Now it really felt like Dakota dissolved into his form.  
  
Cav stays awake. Waits for Dakota to fall asleep. He drools on his arm, but not even that is enough to get Cav to smile. He doesn’t sleep at all. His brain running through all the possibilities. Knew that there was something going on. Something Dakota didn’t want. And he was going to figure it out.

It’s their day off. But that doesn’t stop Cav from leaving that afternoon. Promising Vinnie he would be back soon, that he was gonna pick up some things for dinner that night.

He does. But not right away, instead driving up to the bureau. Not when he was so close to the truth. Walking through the white halls of the building, absently waving to his coworkers, restraining himself for the right moment.

Cavendish takes a deep breath before storming into Mr. Blocks office, knows that of course the trail of pills leads back to him.

Mr. Block looks up from his desk, a smirk playing across his face like he knows exactly why Cavendish is in his office. Before Cavendish can do whatever his fury is dictating, Mr. Block speaks.

“Cool it, candy wrapper. Don’t wanna make things worse, do you?” Mr. Block waggles a remote control at him and Cav stops dead in his tracks. “I’m sure he promised you that he’s yours, but I’m afraid he’s mine.”

“Last I checked, he’s my fiancé.” Cav says cautiously. Eyes darting between Block and the remote, trying to formulate a plan. The way Block waved it around made him nauseous. He didn’t know what it did, but he’d rather not find out.

“Eh, sure sure.” Block responded, waving the remote again, every word accentuated with it. “And if you love your fiancé. You won’t mention this conversation.” Block said again with another wave of the remote.

“This can’t be within protocol.” Cav said cautiously.

“No.” Block agrees, “But then again, neither are Dakota’s actions.” Cav’s eyes narrow at Vinnie’s name. How can such a name be said with such malice? “Don’t look at me like that. He’s _fine_. Well, fine is a big word, I don’t think he’s up for any adjectives as it stands. The only ones that come to mind is obligated and foolish. He agreed to it, all of it. There’s no real blame on my part.”

“Agreed to what?” Cav wants to be angry, to be steadfast, but instead he just sounds helpless. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest, can feel the pounding drums in his ears.

Mr. Block is putting the remote away, scoffing at his confusion, at the proof Dakota doesn’t tell him as much as he should, “fiancé, is it? You sure about that?” He questions. And Cav doesn’t let it get to him. Knows that they’re together, knows their relationship is so much more than a friendship. Will become so much more in their future.

“Sit down, Cavendish.” Block says, motioning to the chair on the other side of his desk.

“I’d rather stand.” Cavendish makes no attempt to make his fake smile look realistic.

“Have it your way. I’m sure you’ve put it together that your partner’s been involved in some...less than savory activities behind your back.” Block rests his chin on his folded hands. “I’m sure you’ve also realized that any wrong moves you make now will result in his termination.”

Cavendish, for the first time in a long time, finds himself at a loss for words. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m not a bad guy, agent,” Block assures him. “I’m not doing anything that Dakota himself has not agreed to, and I’m not doing anything out of spite. Before you assume-“ Block shuts him up before he opens his mouth, “He was not coerced, either. He’s getting a form of payment for his-let’s call it overtime, shall we? According to him, it’s the most valuable thing in the world, so really, this whole thing weighs out in his favor. He’s getting his genie wish, we’re just asking for a little work in return.”

“This is sick,” Cavendish hisses, “you’re sick.”

“Your words wound me, but I think I’ll recover,” Block stood up from his desk, circling it like a vulture. “Don’t be petty, agent. What he’s doing-what _we’re_ doing, it’s going to save lives. Think of him like a soldier, or a martyr, if that helps.”

Cavendish closes his eyes. He can’t bear to look at him. His voice is barely a whisper, “I won’t say a word.”

Mr. Block laughs. It’s a harsh, grating sound. “I always knew you were a dutiful man, Balthazar, beneath all of the clumsiness. Perhaps one day you’ll rise above your station. That would certainly be something to see.”

“And hey, can you do a favor for me?” Mr. Block walks to Cavendish, patting his shoulder. The friendliness was fake, but Mr. Block’s lack of concern was real. “If our man is still conscious-and, I don’t know, a solid?-send him in for a physical. If he dies on the field, that’s just a waste. And after everything he’s put himself through-well, that’d be a pity.” Cav’s jaw clenches, his fist balled up so tightly his knuckles turned white. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Cavendish’s heart tells him to punch Block in the face. To lunge at him like a grizzly bear, to show him what a living creature with a soul does when what it loves is threatened. But men like Block don’t play by the natural rules. If he so much as lifts a hand, he’ll be condemning Vinnie. So he bites his tongue so hard it bleeds, and he leaves the office without another word.

Back at their apartment, Dakota’s breathing is ragged as he stumbles out of the bathroom. “Hope that wasn’t my liver, or nothing else important,” he jokes, knowing Cav heard him heaving up his guts. Cav does not look very amused. “Would ya believe it’s-this is hereditary? Honest to god, everybody in my family-“

Cavendish huffs. “You know I don’t believe that. Just because I openly express my feelings for you doesn’t make me an idiot.”

“Didn’t mean it like that, I just don’t like seeing your mustache all droopy. Gimme a smile,” Dakota waits for a moment, but Cavendish’s mood is not about to change. He lets his mind wander and speaks, his words slurred, “hey, I wanna see Milo. I’m gonna go see Milo.”

  
Cavendish steps in front of him. He grabs his wrist, and it feels like putty. Part of him is scared if he grabs it too tightly he’ll snap the feeble bones, and the other part is worried there might not be a lot of bone left. “Oh no you’re not. I’m putting you under house arrest.”

  
Dakota blinks. His surprise is slow, but everything about him has been slow lately. He shakes his head like he’s underwater, “Don’t think that’s-that’s not a good idea. Doc says I need fresh air or else-else I might-”

  
“Then you better start talking.” Cav tries not to sound angry. Tries to be calm. But Dakota is scaring him.

“About what?” Dakota plays dumb. He’s always been good at that. Cav brings Vinnie’s hand up slowly to his mouth, places little kisses along the knuckles. Vinnie feels like he could melt. And he’s sure he might.

“I spoke to Block.” Cav says softly. So soft. Barely a whisper against Dakota’s clammy skin.

Dakota’s breath hitches as he puts more weight against the taller man.

“How much do you know?” Dakota whispers against Cavs tie, his arms circling around his waist.

“Enough.” He responds gently and feels Dakota stiffen in his arms. “But why are you doing this, Vinnie?” Cav asks, placing a kiss to Dakota’s forehead, he can practically hear the gears turning in that beautiful brain of his.

“I’m sorry,” Dakota mumbles against Cavendish’s chest. As things got worse, he thought to himself with an ounce of dark humor that a human can’t live forever and still be a human. And then he remembered Cav. Unwittingly kept alive longer than he should be. At least Dakota had a choice. “I shouldn’t have been so selfish. Does it hurt? Can you..can you even feel it anymore?”

“Feel what, Vinnie?” Cav asked slowly as the man clutches him tighter. It’s hardly a grip but Cav won’t bring it up just this minute.

Dakota laughs, because that’s an answer enough for his hazy mind. And he laughs until he’s sobbing. “We’re just a couple a monsters, you and me.”

There’s silence. Cavendish doesn’t know how he’s supposed to respond Knows it’s not an appropriate time to correct Dakota’s grammar. Doesn’t know what qualifies either of them as monsters. “I’m just.” Vinnie starts and trails off, trying to find his words. Words are difficult and letters are hazy. And he speaks “I love you so much.”

Cav just wants this all to go away. Can no longer see Vinnie like this. Can no longer see the love of his life in pain. “Let’s run away.” He whispers again, afraid that if his voice was louder it would shatter the world around them. “We’ll find a time period where they won’t find us.”

“I don’t think I’m running anywhere anymore,” Vinnie‘s knees buckle and he nearly falls, but Cav picks him up. Vinnie buries his face in Cav’s shoulder as he hugs himself, focusing on Cav’s scent just to prevent his consciousness from slipping. “Sorry, baby, I’ve made a mess of things. I’m a mess of me.”

“No, no.” Cav says, gripping him closer, but not squeezing him too tight in fear of hurting him. “This isn’t your fault, love.” He speaks softly, as Dakota wraps his arms around his neck, “This is all on Block.” He says firmly as he adjusts his hand so Vinnie won’t slip to the floor.

Dakota kisses his collarbone, letting out an airy wheeze that almost resembles a laugh. “It was my choice. If it wasn’t me, it’d be some other chump who don’t even got a nice cause to die for.” His eyes were fluttering close. “S’a pretty cause, too. Real smart and noble. Gorgeous eyes.”

Cav frowns a little, not sure where to go with this new string of information. “Who is so important to you that you would die for?” He asks and he feels another kiss to his collarbone.

“You, of course.” Vinnie responds, quieter this time as he shifts more of his weight against Cavendish.

The answer is so soft that Cav isn’t sure he heard it right. His brain repeats it again and again like a broken record. And it hurts him to hear it. It’s his fault, he realizes. But he can’t apologize now or plead that he’s not worth it, or Dakota will waste his energy convincing him he did it on his own accord. He doesn’t have any energy to waste. Cavendish kisses the top of his head, rocking him gently. “I’d rather you’d live for me.”

“I’d rather you live for us. For the future we planned.” Cav goes on. Remembers all the late night conversations about their future together. About plans they made with each other.

Dakota sighs. He’d give anything for a simple life with Cavendish, but he had been a real idiot to think he could ever have one. He was dumb, Cav was dumb, they were both just dumb. “There wasn’t gonna be a future if I didn’t-...no, s’okay. We don’t gotta-we don’t gotta go there. I don’t wanna go there. You’re alive. I’m...enough, I’m alive enough.”

Cav guides him to the couch and sits down, Dakota curling around him, his grip still noticeable but oh so weak. “Dakota.” Cav breaths into his ear, “There’s no life of mine worth living if your not by my side.”

“Feeling’s mutual, champ,” Dakota tries to slug him in the arm, but it’s barely a tap. Cav brushes a stand of hair out his face, not sure if he should pretend not to notice the clump that comes loose.

“All I ever wanted is you by my side.” Cav presses on as Vinnie threads their fingers together. The skin clinging to the bone. He’s tacky to the touch, sticky with some invisible film. “It can’t be too late?” He voices, “Can it? We can still run away. Run so far away no one will be able to find us.”

Dakota wonders if the withdrawal will kill him faster than the treatment. He knows what answer will make Cav smile again, though, and that would be a nice last sight. “You’ll have to carry me,” Dakota jokes weakly.

“I would carry you anywhere.” Cav replies, “I would do anything for you.”

He’s already making plans. Where to go. A time and place where the Bureau won’t be able to find them.

“What about the kids?” Vinnie asks in a quiet voice, “We can’t just leave Milo without telling him anything.”

“We’ll visit very quickly,” Cavendish mutters, knowing it’s a foul idea. But he didn’t want to leave them without a word. Not after everything they had been through, not after how much Cav had grown to love them.

And he did love those kids. Like he would love his own children. Especially Milo. He saw so much of himself in that boy. He knew it would be hard to explain to the kids. Knew it would be harder to leave them behind.

He swallows hard. “Are you sure...” his voice was tentative and he prayed to every god of conversation he would not be crossing a line, “you would like them to see you like this?”

“I just want to see them again.” Vinnie whispers. “I don’t want them to know the full extent of what’s wrong with me. But I don’t want to cut off all contact with them.” He winces and shifts, “I know it sounded romantic when I asked you to carry me, but I genuinely can’t feel my legs and, uh, haven’t been able to for a couple minutes now.”

Cavendish nods and places a kiss to his forehead. He untangles himself from his love, and it pains him to see Vinnie cling to him. “I’m going to pack our stuff.” He says softly and that seems to register in Vinnie’s head.

“Don’t go too long.” Vinnie whispers and Cav places a kiss to his forehead and another one to his chapped lips. “Don’t disappear.”

“I’ll be back in a minute.” Cav says as he runs into their bedroom. They don’t have much and only one suitcase. But it's enough to fit their belongings and the two pictures they have on their nightstand.

One of them is a picture of him and Dakota on their first date, both shy and blushing. Looking into each other’s eyes and knowing the world isn’t as small and dark as it use to be anymore.

The other is of them and the kids. Milo, with his arms around Cavendish’s shoulders, a grin as wide as his face. Melissa and Zack being carried under Vinnie’s arms as they laughed. Vinnie looked so good in the pictures. Vinnie always looked good though, but here he looked happy. He looked healthy. His body untainted with whatever the bureau was pumping into him.

Cav gently places the pictures in the suitcase, doing another glance over the bedroom to make sure he had everything before rushing into the bathroom to grab their toiletries.

He goes back into the living room, and Dakota’s body looks so frail. “Vinnie.” Cav says softly, kneeling down and placing a hand on his knee.

“Wasn’t sleeping.” Vinnie mumbles, “Just resting my eyes.”

“I’ve got everything ready to go.” Cav says, placing another kiss to his forehead.

“Grab the briefcase.” Vinnie whispers, “It’s-“ he starts. And takes a shaky breath, “It’s in the baby’s room. Maybe we can figure something out.” 


	3. An Early Burial

Dakota wakes up with a startle, breath hitching. An agent-he's seen him around the bureau, he knows him-has him, is taking him away. He’s taking him back, he’s going to put him back under that machine-

“Vinnie?” No. He knows that voice. His heart rate slows back down as he recognizes that the only person who has him is Cav. He’s still with Cav. He just didn’t remember his face at first. “Is everything ok?”

Dakota nods before he can manage words, “yeah, s’all good. Just a nightmare.” He glances around. “Sure you got the right time period? I don’t see Milo.”

They had parked the time vehicle a block down from Milo’s house, because Cav didn’t want to end up driving it through his wall or something. His awful driving was not a great mix with Murphy’s law. Dakota remembers getting out of the car with him, and then….he must’ve fallen asleep.

“Of course I got the right time period, we just don’t have a Milo tracker. Hopefully he’s at home. If not, we’ll ask his parents about his whereabouts, and you and I will be on the run in not even thirty minute’s time.” Cav is focused. He’s handsome when he’s focused. Dakota reaches up a hand to cup his face. Cav blinks (he’s so _cute_ ) and smiles down at him. “How are you feeling?”

“Like the world’s largest slug, who’s also a little bit on fire.” Dakota professes. “How do I look?”

“Yes, well, your skin has taken on a healthy bluish sheen.” Cavendish tries to match Dakota’s light tone, despite how visibly distressed he is.

Dakota forces a chuckle, but he’s not sure if it’s for Cav’s sake or his. His fingers fall to his ring, secured around his neck by a string. It didn’t fit his finger anymore with all the weight he’s lost, but he was determined to keep wearing it somehow. That was what they had built their relationship off of: somehows. People would always say somehow, despite everything, those two fell in love. And despite everything, they were going to be very happy. Somehow.

He had told Cav he almost liked it better around his neck. It was closer to his heart. And every thump of his chest pumped more of his love into it. And he could look at it all he liked, remind himself he was going to spend the rest of his exponentially shortening life with Cavendish. Remind himself that things weren’t that bad. Cav was alive. Cav was in love. Cav was in love with _him_. It was more than he ever could’ve asked for.

“Darn. Blue just isn’t my color.” Vinnie chuckles as he twirls the ring, giving his fingers something to do. “Is it too much to hope the kid just falls outta the sky? I’m sure you’re getting tired. We should stop for a bit.”

Cav shifts a little, giving him a squeeze and grimacing when Dakota stifles a grunt. “I could carry you like this all day, I promise. Besides, we don’t have time to wait around.”

“Hey, is it hot out here?” Dakota pulls weakly on the collar of his tracksuit. “Or is it just you? But seriously, I’m really sticky, uh, sweaty. I think I’m sweaty. Can I take this off?”

“Sure, let’s just-“ Cavendish tries to set him down on his feet but he wobbles for a second before falling down unimpressively. Cav quickly kneels next to him. “Sorry, I forgot uh-with your-not cooperative legs. I just thought it would be easier to take it off if you weren’t pressed against me.” He reaches out and unzips it all the way, helping Dakota slide out of the sleeves, leaving him in his tank top. “Better?”

“Uh, sure.” Dakota shrugs, too uncomfortable to lie. “We gotta schedule, right? Let’s keep movin’. You can give that to Milo.”

“I don’t think I will. It’s kind of a disgusting jacket.” Cavendish thinks for a moment before tying it around his waist. It clashes horrendously with his clothes, but that is neither of their top concerns. He holds out his arms to demonstrate how he’s going to pick him up. “Are you ready?”

Before Dakota even has the chance to nod, Cav tackles him to the grass, trying to flatten him with his body. He was relatively successful.

Overhead, a chainsaw flies like a frisbee before landing a few yards away, sputtering on the ground until the engine caught on fire. They both stared at it with wide eyes for a couple seconds, before saying in unison, “Milo.”

Running towards them from the direction the chainsaw came from, there was Milo. Oddly enough, he was wearing a paper crown and had his hands cupped in front of his chest. Next to him was Zack struggling to pull a fire extinguisher out of his backpack, and Melissa carrying three loaves of bread.

“Hi Cavendish! Hi Dakota!” Milo grins at them as they pass before he turns his attention back to the onfire chainsaw. Cavendish lifts off of Dakota with a little physical reluctance, as he was sticking to Dakota. Dakota is in agreement with his body for once, wanting to keep Cavendish clutched to his chest, as the situation had reminded him that Cavendish’s tendency to die was what got them here in the first place.

And suddenly, Dakota is terrified. What if Cav dies? He can’t even walk, and his condition is worsening. He had not spared a thought on the equally sick Dakotas he had to send back when the treatments began, but they probably melted in a gutter before even getting to the island. Now he’s not even sure if he’ll be able to save him in the first place.

He had been tricked. The agreement had already been weighed against him, but now he wasn’t even getting his full half of it. Of course Block wasn’t going to let him keep saving Cavendish, how could he have been so stupid? It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter what Block wanted. Dakota couldn’t give up. He’d just have to keep him safe the first time around. Somehow.

As much as he wants to cry out in frustration and let out all the bitter tears he’s storing, he knows this isn’t the time or place. He glances over to the kids to distract away the pain. Once Zack puts out the fire, all three cheer victoriously before running over to Cavendish and Dakota. Melissa looks like she’s going to jump on Dakota, but she stops in her tracks when she catches sight of his face. Did he really look that sick?

“Cavendish, Dakota,” Milo sounds a little out of breath. He unfurls his hands to reveal a caterpillar, “meet Benny, she’s a caterpillar and we’re helping her find a nice place to form her cocoon.”

“Chrysalis,” Melissa corrects him. She explains it half heartedly, more focused on Dakota and Cavendish. “Yeah, a lot of things are out to get a caterpillar in the Murphy’s yard.”

“What are you guys up to?” Zack sits down with them.

“We were actually looking for you three,” Cavendish starts, and already his heart is sinking. He clears his throat, “We were hoping-“

“Is Dakota giving me his jacket?” Milo asks, which catches Cav off guard.

“Is-is that a normal thing? Why did you both think-?” Cav looks between Milo and Dakota, at a total loss.

Melissa plops down next to Dakota. She knows enough to not ask how he’s feeling, instead asking what she feels will have an easy answer, “Do you want a piece of bread? I’ve got rye and whole wheat.”

“Nah, I’m not hungry.” Dakota passes. He tries to force himself to eat when Cav is watching, to dispel some of his concern, but he’s been in a near constant state of nausea for almost a week. Self sustainment, he thought the doctors had said was their most recent goal.

“Do you wanna go see my mom?” Zack asks him quietly. “She’s a really good doctor. Cav can hang out with Mel and Milo, he can help with Benny.”

Dakota offers him a weak smile. “I’m sure she’s amazing, but what I got-I ain’t sick, not like that. It’s-uh, it’s a future thing. So me and Cav are gonna lie low for a little bit, just ‘til I feel better.”

Cavendish should’ve known Dakota was going to lie to them. But he didn’t. He swallows. “R-right, we’ll be back. It’s just going to be a while. So we wanted to say goodbye. For now.” He could not lie as easily as Dakota.

“Is everything going to be okay?” Milo’s excitement over the caterpillar vanishes, replaced with worry. It weighs down his young face.

“Oh, yeah,” Dakota nods, giving him a thumbs up and speaking louder, as if that would distract him from how his hand is shaking. “It’s as common as the cold about three hundred years from now. I just need some rest.”

Cav stares at the ground and doesn’t dare speak, knowing he would mess this up. Finally, Melissa speaks, “I don’t believe you.”

Everyone looks up at her. Zack elbows her. She swats him off, “I’m serious! This doesn’t add up. You two time travel. Even if you don’t visit for _years_ in your time, you could show up tomorrow for us. So why bother saying goodbye?”

Dakota is proud of her for being so clever, proud of her for standing up to him, but also wishing she could have made things easy. She’s smart, but she still has a lot to learn about the world.

“Melissa, don’t…” Zack goes to scold her for being rude, but he starts to think about it too. He glances up at Dakota, eyebrows creased, “...you’re not coming back.”

Cavendish sends a glance Dakota’s way, biting his lip. Dakota keeps his cool exterior, but he’s known him long enough to see that he is panicking on the inside. “Guys, come on, that’s not-“

“Please don’t lie to us, Dakota.” Milo pleads, and he looks like he’s about to cry. He turns to Cav, as if he knows he’s the weak link. “Is Dakota dying?”

“That’s-I don’t think-you shouldn’t-“ Cav sputters like the engine of the chainsaw before giving up with a sigh. He speaks softly, “I don’t know. We don’t know what’s happening to him, not-not exactly. But he and I have to leave.”

Melissa wraps her arms around herself and Milo fights back tears. Zack just shakes his head, “There has to be something we can do.”

“Oh no, don’t start with that,” Dakota goes to put a hand on his shoulder, but decides against it. “Don’t try and make this your problem. Cav and I are the adults here, leave the worryin’ and fussin’ to us. Your concerns are homework and text messages and those things. Not me. S’not how it works.”

“It is if you’re a Murphy,” Milo insists. “You guys are family to us, we can’t sit by and do nothing. We fix stuff all the time, stuff even adults like you can’t.”

Cav rubs Milo’s back soothingly. “Dakota’s right, and you know it pains me to say that.” The kids laugh a little at that, breaking the tension and preventing any of them from bursting into tears. “You’re all capable, wonderful children who have more potential than I could ever say, but you’re too young for this one.”

“Too young…” Melissa echoes, resting her head against Dakota’s shoulder. He doesn’t have the heart to pull away. Not that he wants to. Melissa speaks a little louder, “No, no they’re not.” She gasps, “I know who can help.”

“Can we know too?” Zack asks dryly, but then he gets the same realization as she did. He turns to Dakota enthusiastically, “you have to go see them!”

“Are we talking about…?” Milo draws a triangle in the air with his finger. He receives two fervent nods in response, and two quizzical looks.

Cavendish tries to keep them from getting their hopes up, “The cause of his condition is from the future, I don’t think any doctor from this period will-“

“They’re not doctors. They’re geniuses.” Zack stands up. “Just give them a try, please? If you have no other options, isn’t it worth a shot?”

Cav looks at Dakota. His heart skips a beat everytime he sees him. He would do anything for him. “Vinnie, let’s try.” He tries to say it confidently, but it comes out more like a desperate question.

Dakota doesn’t want to break Cav’s heart anymore than he already has. But it’s impossible to say no to that face, all scrunched up with worry. Dakota knows there’s no hope for him. The good feelings will be temporary. Cav will realize it too, sooner or later. But for now, he pretends there’s a chance. All he has is the moment to live in, so that’s what he decides to do. “Alright, lead the way, kiddos.”

Melissa tries to jump up, but she’s jerked back to the ground with a high pitched yelp. “My hair!” She puts her hands on Dakota’s biceps and tries to yank her curls free. “Ew, it’s like gum!”

“That’s cool, that’s cool, not like I have feelings or anything,” Dakota complains jokingly, also trying to help her hair get unstuck. It takes a solid minute, but she gets free.

Milo scooches closer, poking at Dakota’s arm experimentally, “No, it’s not really like gum. It’s a pretty different constituency. It’s like...extra strength jello.”

“Well, obviously he’s not Gumby,” Melissa rolls her eyes, “I was just going off of hair-feel. It felt like when you get gum in your hair.”

“Oh, I’ve never gotten gum stuck in my hair.” Milo admits as Zack helps him to his feet.

“How is that possible?” Zack gapes. “It happens to kids all the time, and with Murphy’s law, those odds are insane.”

Watching them interact like this makes Cavendish’s chest hurt. He doesn’t ever want this to go away, he doesn’t want to lose these playful moments. He wants to watch them grow up. But if he allows himself to picture the worst, he knows he’ll never be able to see them again on his own. He would see Dakota in everything that they do, he would see him in their smiles. He would see the child they nearly had.

If Dakota died, Cavendish’s heart would be buried with him.

“Yo, Balthazar?” Dakota snaps him out of it. The kids hadn’t noticed him spacing out, too busy arguing over how impossible it was that Milo never got gum in his hair. Dakota puts a hand to his mouth, mimicking the sound of static, “ _Kssh_ , Earth control to Balthazar, we should get moving, over. _Kssh_.”

“Right, sorry.” Cavendish stands and goes to pick him up.

Dakota is not done playing, however. “ _Kssh_. What was that? You’ll have to do it correctly. Over.”

Cavendish covers his mouth like Dakota is doing. “I, uh, said affirmative, captain. O-over.”

Dakota, seemingly satisfied, wraps his arms around Cav’s neck as he lifts him bridal style like before. He kisses his check, and Cavendish can’t help but notice how strange his lips feel. It was like Dakota licked a sucker and then pressed it against his face. “You sure you’re not gonna drop me, spaceman?”

“I would never.” Cavendish promises him as he gets the kids’ attention. “Are you three ready?”

“Absolutely! I’m gonna set Benny down on a leaf and then I’ll catch up, so I leave Zack in charge of the expedition!” Milo hops off to find a good leaf.

“Why were you in charge in the first place?” Melissa yells after him. She shoots a look at Zack. “It was my idea. I’m in charge.”

Zack returns her look disapprovingly. “Dakota is super sick, and you wanna argue over this? I’m in charge.”

“Whoever gives better directions and walks at a speed that is both fast but comfortable for Cav to keep up with is in charge, go,” Dakota mediates. The two both start speed walking, trying to explain where they were going louder than the other. Cavendish follows after them. Dakota’s smile disappears after a while, his face troubled as he whispers to Cav, “What‘s her name?”

“Pardon?” Cav tries to keep his voice low.

“The redhead,” Dakota responds, but he confuses himself, “who is-why are we here? I thought we were running away.”

“We are, love,” Cav speaks slowly, “That’s-that’s Melissa. Are you feeling alright?”

Dakota looks up at him, and the haze around his brain dissipates. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Melissa. I knew that. I’m just-I guess I’m pretty tired.”

Dakota’s eyebrows crinkle together and Cav knows that’s his way of frowning. Knows that Dakota is frustrated with his memory loss. Who wouldn’t be? It’s more than troubling. 

He felt Milo before he heard him. He had finally caught up to them and was walking alongside them now. His gaze occasionally shifting to look at Vinnie, trying not to seem like he was staring. 

“Where are we going?” Cav asks him as Milo looks up.

“These kids we know.” He responds, as they found a corner, “They’re geniuses. They’ve dealt with things way more complicated than this! They’re sure to help figure out what’s going!” He seems so enthusiastic, so care free. Cav remembers how he felt like that only a few months ago. Back when the only thing that was stressing him out was planning on proposing to Vinnie.

Milo gave them another smile before jogging to catch up with Melissa and Zack. Cav feels himself smile. A true genuine smile. He hasn’t felt like he had one of those in quite a while.

He feels Dakota lean his head against his chest again and he looks down and sees that those beautiful eyes are trained on Milo. And when he looks up, Cav feel like he may melt too. He briefly wonders if Dakota is contagious but the thought leaves his mind as Dakota’s hand covers the hand Cav has on his leg.

He looks back over to Milo and smiles wider, “We raised a pretty good one, huh.” He says as Cav hums in response, confusion flooding the noise, “They always say your kids grow before your very eyes. And man. How Milo grew.”

And Cav feels a pang in his heart as Dakota’s words finally wager in his head. Doesn’t want to tell Dakota that Milo isn’t theirs. Doesn’t want to crush him like. “Yeah, yeah they sure do.” He responds, placing a soft kiss to the top of Vinnie’s head.


	4. Trapeze Act

They walk for what seems to be a long time. Dakota isn’t sure. Everything seems to be stretched out. What once felt like seconds or minutes to him seems like hours now. He’s still in Cav’s arms. He’s still with Cav. _That’s what’s important,_ he says to himself. Repeats it in his head.

He doesn’t want to forget again. Not the kids, and especially not Cav. He goes through their names, placing them with their bright faces. He thinks of it as a game, a game he has to win.

The walk is silent, the kids long since abandoning small talk but Dakota sees it in their eyes every time they look at each other. They’re worried. And they shouldn’t be. This is his mess.

Dakota breathes and decides to break the silence. “It’s too bad,” Dakota laughs infectiously, and the children laugh too, despite the fact he hasn’t finished his joke. They need to laugh, to break the tension. “I couldn’t have just grown a tail or somethin’. That woulda been fun.”

“Like, a prehensile tail?” Zack scrunches his nose at the thought.

Melissa wiggles her hips in demonstration, “you could lasso stuff with it.”

Vinnie cups Cav’s cheek. “Think that’d be romantic? If I just pulled you closer with my monkey tail.”

“I’d love you no matter what appendages you have,” Cavendish rolls his eyes. But he smiles wryly, his voice dropping, “But I think a tail would encourage a bit of _yanking_ -“

Dakota swats weakly at him, “Don’t say that in front of the kids!” He whispers scandalously, but he’s smiling. They’re both smiling. And it’s the lightest Dakota has felt in a while.

All of a sudden Milo, who has been staying uncharacteristically quiet, runs ahead a couple houses, jumping up and down in front of one, “This is the place!”

“For such clever people, they live rather modestly,” Cavendish murmurs, more to himself than Dakota. Dakota pats his face, which he supposes was both a reassuring and shushing action.

“Slow down, Milo, before you destroy their door again,” Melissa hurries in front of him and knocks on the door. There’s a bang followed by a shout inside of the house, and Cav instinctively holds Dakota tighter. A whimper escapes his lips and Cav loosens his hold immediately.

The door swings open, and a teenage girl stands on the other side. Her hair is the same color as Melissa’s. Her expressions softens the moment she sees her, “Oh, hey Mel. Mom’s gonna freak if you and Uncle Richard said you were coming over today instead of Saturday. Her potato salad won’t be ready for two more days, like, at the least.”

“No, it’s just me.” Melissa glances at her group, “Well, not _just_ me. We need to see Phineas and Ferb. It’s urgent.”

“Hi Candace!” Milo waves at the teenager. “Glad to see your eyebrows grew back!”

Candace protects her brows the moment she notices Milo. “Ugh, sorry Milo, I’ve got a date tonight, no Murphy’s law or busting for me until tomorrow. They’re in the backyard, like usual. _Scheming_.”

“This way,” Zack motions for Cav and Dakota to follow him. He takes them around the house as Melissa, Milo, and Candace continue exchanging small talk. As small as Milo could manage. They hear something about lava.

In the backyard, reclining against a tree are two boys, one with a large nose speaking very quickly, and the other with green hair listening contently.

“Did Milo mention they were children?” A new wave of discomfort crosses Dakota’s face.

“I believe he did.” Cavendish whispers back. “You and I both know how capable and inventive children can be, let’s give them a chance.”

“Hey!” Zack jogs the last couple of feet and sits down with them. “Are you guys free today?”

“Depends on how you define free,” the green haired boy spoke up with a soft accented voice.

“Ooh, profound, Ferb.” The triangle headed one-or, as process of elimination told them, Phineas-sounds impressed. He turns to Zack, “Not really. None of our ideas are sticking.”

“Well, we’ve got something that sticks,” Zack ushers Cav over. “Phineas, Ferb, this is Cavendish and Dakota. They’re friends with me, Melissa, and Milo. They’re, uh, time travelers.”

“That’s awesome!” Phineas is not at all surprised by the existence of time travel. “We’ve done a bit of time traveling ourselves. Nothing major. Prehistoric era, though that was an accident, and the furthest in time we’ve been is like 20 years. Are you guys hobbyists or is it a job?”

Zack interrupts before anyone tries to answer that, “Uh, I think we can talk about that later. Dakota’s sick, but it’s future sickness that nobody knows how to cure. We were hoping you guys could take a crack at it.”

“Of course! You know what Ferb always says about medical enigmas.” Phineas looked over at Ferb with a grin.

Ferb did not seem to always say a lot of anything.

“Exactly Ferb! I couldn’t have said it better myself! Let me just ask our mom, ‘cause this might take a while.” Phineas stands up and goes to the sliding door leading to the kitchen. He yells inside, “Mom? Melissa brought over a friend, is it ok if he stays here for a little bit? He’s kind of slimy, but not big like Steve. He shouldn’t be hard to take care of.”

There’s an affirmative yell from inside the house, but Cav and Zack are pretty sure that his mom didn’t know he was talking about a person. Zack glances up at him and pats the grass, “you guys can sit down. They tend to brainstorm out here.”

Cavendish nods and crouches down, wanting to absolve for the last time he put Dakota down. As he sets Dakota down gently, Dakota grabs his hand and examines his fingers. Cavendish pauses, unsure of what he’s doing but not about to interrupt. “You’re married,” Dakota says quietly, his voice edged with disappointment.

“Engaged.” Cavendish corrects him instinctively. He struggles with keeping his tone even, betraying the selfish hurt he’s feeling,“T-to you. We’re engaged. I proposed, you-you said yes.” He pulls his free hand away and touches Vinnie’s ring that hangs around his neck.

Dakota’s grip on his hand tightens, barely noticeably. “I knew that. I know that. You don’t hafta tell me that.” He lies, but Cav doesn’t know why he bothers.

He wraps his hands around Vinnie and squeezes softly as Phineas trots back to the tree and sits down before looking around, “Hey, where’s Perry.”

Melissa sits down next to them, “Right on cue.” She says as she looks at the confusion in Cav and Dakota’s faces, “Perry is their pet platypus.” She provides.

Cav is quick to reply, “What is a platypus?”

Dakota makes a face at him, “C’mon dude, s’nothing even wrong with you. It’s a little beaver lookin’ fella with a duck bill and poison.”

“Well now you’re the confused one.” Cav is not going to believe platypi are real any time soon.

“Nah, man, Dakota’s right.” Zack says, “They’ve got a little beaver like pet. You’ll have, to meet him. He’s cool.”

“Doesn’t do much.” Milo pipes in, joining them on the lawn. “But he’s cute. So what’s the vendetta?”

“Do you mean verdict?” Melissa asks, but doesn’t address it further before turning to Phineas. There’s more important things going on.

“We’d have to run some tests.” Phineas says as he pulls out holoboard from behind the tree. Dakota blanches at the word ‘tests,’ but he hides it. “But first, what can you tell us about your predicament?”

And suddenly, all eyes are averted to Dakota. If his heart didn’t feel like it’s in a pressure cooker, it might skip a beat. Instead, he smiles. “Eh, probably not a lot. Whaddya wanna know?”

Phineas blinks and glances at his brother, as if they’re having a separate conversation through eye contact. “Um, anything. Please.”

“Well, I’ve been feeling a little blue,” Dakota chuckles. He points to his bare forearm, “get it, ‘cause my skin. It’s blue. I’m blue. I’m kidding. I’ve been-” he coughs, and tries to wipe the oddly colored residue off in the grass, “I’ve been fine.”

“Nobody buys that, dude.” Melissa’s face is a mix of confusion and concern. And pity. He swallows hard when he notices the pity. He feels more caged than when he’s in the lab.

Dakota relents ever so slightly, “Okay, okay, I’ve been a little off, but I’m handling it.”

“You can’t walk.” Milo reminds him bluntly, as if he could’ve forgotten. Dakota knows his situation perfectly. He’s weak and can’t get away and they’re going to perform more tests on him and what kind of friends are they if they just let that happen? He relies on them, but how can he trust them? He has no other choice, but they’re going to let him down. They’re going to hurt him and he can’t take any more hurt. Why are they going to hurt him?

Dakota snaps out of his panic and realizes he has gone silent. He breathes, and the words come out a little too rough to be a joke, “Sorry, just thinking about how healthy I am.”

“Your-your pills, why don’t you tell them about your pills?” Cav offers as a stepping stone, trying to be helpful.

“They’re just-they just help, with-I’ve gotta take ‘em, alright?” Dakota’s eyes flicker away. “It’s too hot out here.”

Phineas, luckily, is not deterred. “What are the pills for? Who told you to take them? Having you been overheating a lot lately?”

Dakota laughs, but this time no one laughs with him. Zack nudges him, “just tell them what’s up. Even if they can’t help, it won’t hurt. You’ve got nothing to lose.”

“He’s sticky.” Melissa shrugs. She wishes she knows more, but she’s new to the situation. Cav is not. Cav barely knows more. And it’s eating him up. All of a sudden, he doesn’t know his spouse at all. He briefly wonders what else Dakota is hiding from him. Remembers how Dakota promised so many years ago that he would never lie to him. The hypocrisy of the statement leaves a sour taste in his mouth, but now isn’t the time to be mad. Now he has to be here for Dakota. _In sickness and in health_ , Cav tells himself. That’s the promise they made. The promise they _are_ going to make. One day.

“He has trouble sleeping and eating and our boss has something to do with it.” He rambles, dread flooding him as he realizes how useless he is. “Just tell them, Vinnie.”

“No need to crowd me,” Dakota is defensive. He feels like he can’t breathe. Why is everybody staring at him? “This-I don’t got anything to say. I’m sick.”

Cav’s eyebrows crease. “Vinnie, they can’t help you if you don’t-“

“Fuck off.” He didn’t mean to say it. But he did. It never mattered what he meant. He meant to save Cav. Meant to power through this whole thing by himself, meant to not make Cavendish look at him like _that_.

No matter how smart they are, they’re still just kids. The whole bunch of them flinch, recoil away from Vinnie’s growl. But it’s not them he hit.

“I’m sorry,” Cav whispers as softly as he can, maintaining his composure, although it sounds like a breeze could break him, “you all better head inside for a bit.”

“Yeah,” Phineas tries to speak a little louder, a little more confidently, “mom made pie earlier, let’s go get some.”

Zack and Melissa walk on either side of Phineas and Ferb, as if they’re protecting the younger boys. Melissa wraps an arm around her cousin’s shoulders.

Milo is the last to leave. Slowly standing up before looking over to Vinnie, his brown eyes swimming with unshed tears. “They can help, Vinnie.” He says softly, using Dakota’s first name struck something inside of him and Dakota never wanted to here his name like that again, “They go on all sorts of adventures. If anyone can help, it’s them.” He says, not waiting for Dakota to respond before making his way to the back door.

Dakota wants to comment on how he envies Milo for his youth. Wants to be held by Cav and sob against his chest over how he doesn’t want to be the reason Milo loses that sweet little smile of his. But he doesn’t do these things. Instead, he sighs, and starts gruffly, “Listen, I-“

“Don’t bother.” Cav shakes his head. “You’re not-whatever you’re going to say, it won’t be the truth, so don’t bother.”

Dakota looks away. He places his hand on Cav’s, and he does not pull away. They sit there without uttering a word, neither enjoying the atmosphere but not knowing how to fix it, either. Finally, Cav shatters the silence. If Vinnie is scared to tell the truth, then Cavendish could go first.

“At first-“ Cavendish laughs, or maybe he cries. It’s hard to tell, as he lowers his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “At first I thought you were pregnant. I was so happy. I just kept waiting for you to tell me. Knew you probably wanted to be sure. So-so when you kept waking up to throw up I was excited. But you-you were suffering, and all I could think about was my own _selfish_ -“ he grabs Vinnie’s hand and squeezes it so tightly he’s bound to reshape it, “how am I supposed to be a father if I can’t even take care of you? I should have known. I should have noticed. You’re my best friend, my fiancé, my partner, my everything. And I was just so selfish.”

“Oh baby, you’re not selfish.” Vinnie says, melting with his words, trying to squeeze his hand in return. Trying to convey as much love in his voice as he possibly could.

Cav shakes his head, bringing Dakota’s hand up to his lips and whispering against the knuckles, his breath like little kisses, “I didn’t pay enough attention, and I’m sorry, but you need to talk to me now. I should be able to tell those children exactly what’s happening but-but I can’t. I was only thinking about what I wanted instead of-the reality of what was going on. So I need you to tell me now.” _And then those clever young spirits are going to save you and when you’re better, I’ll make it all up to you._ he doesn’t say this part out loud. He’s terrified he’ll jinx it. He has to pretend he’s not desperately wishing for it, or else the universe will spite him, like it always had.

Vinnie bites his lip, it doesn’t even hurt anymore what with the softness of his lips. Vinnie slowly lifts his free hand up and cups Cav’s face. It’s sticky but Cav won’t say anything. He welcomes all of Dakota’s touches, briefly wonders which one will be their last.

He lets his head fall into it as Vinnie’s thumb ghosts over his cheek. “Ok.” Vinnie says as he squeezes Cav’s hand with all his might.

“Ok.” Cav echoes.

“I’ve been bad for so long, I’ve forgotten how to be good,” Vinnie admits, voice cracking, “it’s hard to-lying has been my safety net, I guess. The only thing I could protect myself with, because damn it, they took everything else I had. And-telling you-it’s _hard_ , but a bunch of kids? I can’t-“ he takes a deep breath. There is nothing between him and the ground, but he closes his eyes, and leaps. “I need your help.”

“Vinnie, I would do anything for you,” He’s laugh-crying again. What did that sentiment mean when Vinnie had already been to hell and back for him? But he means it, he means it with his whole being.

“I’ll tell you as much as I can,” He can’t promise to tell him everything. He wishes he could. “And you can tell them anything I tell you. I just-I can’t do this alone.”

“You were never alone, Vinnie.” Cav says softly as he holds him closer, placing another kiss to his forehead, not minding when his lips stick. He’s happy with the feeling that bubbled in his chest every time they touched.

“Do I have to start from the beginning?” Dakota nearly pleads, as if there was something horrible awaiting him at the beginning, that only Cav could protect him from. _Please don’t make me_ , his tone begs, as if Cav would make him do anything.

“That’s always a good place to start, but it’s up to you,” Cav murmurs against his skin. “We’ll go at your pace.”

Dakota waits a minute, really thinks it over before responding, “not yet. I’m not gonna-we can’t have that talk now. I was-I was doing something I wasn’t s’posed to, but I don’t think you’d be angry at me for it. It’s one of those noble, vigilante things you like, when the rules are wrong. Think I’d be an okay superhero?”

“You’d be wonderful, but I need you to focus,” Cavendish runs his hands through his hair soothingly.

“I am. Block blackmailed me, is that how you use that word? I won’t tell if you don’t, that’s what he said to me. So I-there was...once a week, I think. I went to this big…it was...I was dizzy, first. I…” his memory is faltering. “There were a couple of doctors, but I don’t think they were real, uh, doctors. One was named….ah, I don’t remember.”

“I know we said we’d take things at your pace, but this isn’t very helpful,” Cav croaks.

“Right. There’s, um, the briefcase I made you grab. It’s got my notebook. I had to take notes. You can read it. It’s like a medical diary, so-don’t read the pages about my crush or nothin’, alright?” Dakota touches his face, fingers just barely ghosting over his cheek. “I talk about his blue eyes a lot.” He pauses. “Okay, sorry, said I wouldn’t lie, I didn’t mention you in that horrible little thing. It’s just side effects.”

“I figured.” Cavendish nods, “But I appreciate the honesty.”

Dakota buries himself further into Cav’s neck, his perfume still lingering on his collarbone. Dakota takes a deep breath as he grounds himself in the scent of lilies. “Once we’re done with this, take me somewhere we can grow flowers, okay? I wanna sit in the dirt with you and kiss you in the sun.”

“That sounds wonderful, love.” Cav says as he takes a deep breath. Forcing himself to hold back his tears.

“Okay, I’ve memorized your smell,” he earns a little chuckle for that, “Go get the notebook from the car, I’ll be good. Won’t swear around the kids, promise.” Dakota smiled at him, and that’s the only sun Cav could ever want. When Cav makes no attempt to get up, Dakota continues, “Just let go of me. I won’t go nowhere.”

“That’s what my brain is saying, but my hands don’t want to listen,” Cav laughs, but his eyes are still sad, “are you sure I can’t just bring you with me?”

“Your arms are gonna snap like the twigs they are,” Dakota pulls off of him. “Take it easy on your muscles, you wouldn’t be taking ‘em for granted if they felt like mine. I’m convinced they’re just dissolving at this point. C’mon, I’ll be thinking of you for all of the five minutes we’ll be apart.”

“I’ll be back sooner than that,” Cav promises, “I’ll sprint.”

Dakota laughs, and this time it’s genuine. He snorts. “You’ll look ridiculous, dressed up like that.”

“A sacrifice I’m willing to make.” Cavendish assures him. “Do you want me to bring you in the kitchen first? So you can be with the kids.”

“You say that, but I sense you’re up to something nefarious,” he hums, “the kitchen? I thought you’d have more self control than that. Just because I look like jello doesn’t mean I taste like it.”

Cavendish kisses his cheek. “I much prefer the way you taste to jello. I’ll be back in a second. Parting is such sweet sorrow.”

“Ew, you can’t say sappy stuff like that,” Dakota smacks his arm, “people might hear you.”

“That’s the idea. I’d shout it for the world to hear if I could.” Cav says as his voice drops, “I am so in love with you, Vinnie Dakota.”

“Why’d you whisper it then?” Dakota says in a playful tone. He raises an eyebrow.

“Because you’re my whole world.” Cav confesses.

Dakota lets out a surprised squawk. He recovers quickly, “You’re more gooey than I am. Go get the briefcase, Romeo.”

Cav’s hands hesitate around him for one last lingering moment before he really did start running, calling to him, “for every minute it takes me, I’ll owe you another kiss!”

Dakota smiles as he watches him go, knowing the hope propelling him would soon wither. If he could be lucky, just once, if the world was gentle with him just once, he’ll remember this moment. Even if he loses everything else, he’ll remember Cav smiling at him, kissing him, loving him.

But what he had mistaken for soaring was only plummeting.

And his freefall comes to its inevitable end.


	5. Tropical Blue

Cavendish did not think his heart could break anymore than it already has, but flipping through Dakota’s journal makes the breath hitch in his throat.

The first twenty pages or so feature the handwriting Cav recognizes as Dakota’s. THe writing is not exactly detailed because that just isn’t Dakota’s style, but it’s concise paragraphs about his symptoms. Nausea, dizzy spells, headaches, cold sweats, strange cramps. There’s doodles in the margins, usually of what appear to be little Dakotas either angry or ill. Cavendish smiles at them fondly.

But the writing becomes looser. Sentences trail off or just don’t make sense. Insomnia, night terrors, numbness, memory loss, hallucinations, whatever it is he describes as “oozing.” The clarity deteriorates exponentially. The last fifteen pages filled out feature five words at maximum, in chicken scratch that is almost completely unintelligible. Most just said pain, or please stop. One read “I don’t think I bleed anymore.”

He tells Phineas and Ferb anything he thinks might be important. He found them in the backyard laughing with Dakota and the others, and Cav is grateful they’re getting along alright. Phineas promises him that once they finish the shed, they can get to work. He also promises it will take less than an hour to complete the shed. He politely declines Cav’s offer to help and tells him to try and learn anything else from Dakota, but recruits Milo, Melissa and Zack to help with construction.

Dakota is leaning against him, singing softly to him like they didn’t have a care in the world. The words are nonsense, sweet nothings between humming. Cavendish wants to close his eyes and listen to him and pretend that things really are alright. But he couldn’t pretend anymore. Not after what he read. 

“Vinnie,” he breathes, “there was something troubling in your journal-it was all troubling, I mean, but there’s something I think we need to talk about-“

Dakota stares intently at the ground, clearly not paying attention. “Hon, I think I’m gonna be the next Picasso.”

Cavendish blinks. He certainly wasn’t expecting that. He wraps Dakota’s hand in his, giving it a squeeze and finding his fingers stuck. “Why’s that, dear?”

“I just-uh, I lost my ear,” he points to the spot of grass he was staring at, where there’s a little blue puddle that in no way resembled an ear. He brushes his hair aside to show its absence from the side of his head.

“Van gogh is the one who cut off his ear,” Cav needs to work on his priorities and he knows that, but panic does funny things to people. He blanches, “Oh my god, your ear melted off.”

“Yeah, it’s way too hot,” Dakota groans. “I feel like I’m in an oven.”

If anything, the temperature was dropping. “Ok, let me just-I’ll grab that for you-“ He tries to let go of Dakota’s hand, but he glances at it and suddenly there’s another problem. Through his somewhat translucent skin, Cav can see his fingers are actually inside of Dakota’s. He lifts their hands so Dakota can see.

“Wow, I don’t...that doesn’t feel like nothin’, man,” Dakota stares, transfixed, “I don’t even feel you...”

“Ok, this is fine, don’t worry,” Cav tries to assure Dakota and himself. He places his free hand against Dakota’s chest. “I’m going to-uh, pull out now, alright?”

Dakota snorts. “If the heat wasn’t melting my brain, I’d come up with some real good jokes right now.”

He pushes against Dakota as gently as he can, and as he pulls their pressed bodies apart as well as their hands, his hand sinks deep into the tank top, as if there is nothing inside of it.

There’s a squelch, and Cavendish is free. The imprint he made in Dakota’s tank top is a few inches deep and rising back at an almost imperceivable rate. Cavendish’s hand is covered in a thin layer of blue goo. He tries to scrape the supposed ear into that hand, figuring it would stick better to stuff like it. “Can-can you hear alright?”

“Yeah,” Dakota pokes at his tank top, making experimental indents. “Yeah, I hear fine. Doesn’t feel any different. Am I like, digesting you or anything?”

Cav focuses on his hand for a moment, trying to sense any pain. “No, I don’t think so. You’re harmless.”

“Not if you stuck your head in me, I bet.” Dakota points to his stomach and smiles up at him. He sees the worry on Cav’s face and drops the jokes, “Hey, babe, it’s okay. We’ll figure this out.”

“Will we?” Cavendish laughs humorlessly, an empty sound, eyes flickering up to meet Dakota’s, and the hopelessness there makes Dakota flinch. Cav looks away again, just as quickly, “Sorry, that’s a bad mindset. Let’s focus on what we can change, right? You’re-you’re hot.”

“You’re not half bad either,” Dakota chuckles, but it devolves into coughing.

“Let’s cool you down. Are the kids done building?” Cavendish stands and wants to go over, but his legs turn to lead at the thought of leaving Dakota for another second. What if he comes back to just a puddle?

He knows transporting Dakota won’t be easy like this and he doesn’t want to put any more stress on him than there already is, so he decides against bringing him with and just sits back down.

Dakota gives him a weary smile. “I wish I could hold your hand to make you feel better. Just know I’m doing it in spirit.”

“You shouldn’t be trying to make me feel better, I’ve got both ears,” Cavendish sighs. Dakota is always the one keeping him happy and safe and...he remembers what he needed to talk to him about. “Once you’re melting at least-at least a little less, I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah.” Dakota nods. “Yeah, okay, we can talk about whatever.”

Cavendish isn’t sure he’d agree so easily if he knew what Cav knew. Zack and Ferb emerge from the shed and walk over, carrying a stretcher between them. “We’re ready for you,” Zack tells them, placing the stretcher on the grass. “This was Milo’s idea, he thought it’d be easier than having you carry Dakota.”

“That’s very thoughtful, let me just-“ Cav tries to figure out where to put his handful of Dakota before lifting him onto the stretcher, but Dakota waves him off.

“I can handle this much,” he promises, and drags himself onto it. The only thing worse than showing how much difficulty he had moving would be to let someone else try and move him. He can’t help but wonder how much bone and muscle he’s left with. Wonder if he’ll be able to get around some other way or if the loss of movement permanent. It’s a scary thought he tries not to get lost in. 

“What are you holding?” Zack stands on his tiptoes and tries to peer into Cav’s hand.

“Vinnie, um, lost a piece,” Cavendish lifts his hand a little higher so Zack can’t see. “You boys don’t have to carry him, I can do it.”

“Quit talking about me like I’m a bag of flour,” Dakota whines, “Just get me inside then never speak of this again.”

“No problem, Dakota,” Zack picks up his end of the stretcher, and Ferb joins him with a slight huff of effort. Carefully they carry him over to the shed, and Cavendish hops ahead to open the door. No one is inside, and it appears to just be any other normal shed, with a shovel and broom in one corner, and a control panel against the wall. Ok, that isn’t normal.

“Could you hit button three?” Zack asks Cavendish, who immediately does so. The inside of the shed suddenly moves like an elevator, taking all four of them down. The wall adjacent to the broom and shovel opened up to a stark white hallway. Dakota sighs in relief the second he’s out of the elevator, and the hall is so cold that Cavendish can see his breath.

He notices Zack’s slight shiver and unties Dakota’s jacket from around his waist and throws it over his shoulders. Zack thanks him with a grin. Cavendish glances at Ferb. “Are you cold?”

Ferb stares at him, then continues walking. Cavendish takes that as a shy no.

They enter the first door and set Dakota down on what looks like a dentist’s chair, minus the tools. Zack leaves the room and a minute later Phineas walks in. He walks over to the chair, “We don’t know how cold he’ll need to be without tests, but we guessed that the freezing point of water would be a good place to start. We’re still developing machines to stimulate his muscles, but we were hoping to do some tests first.”

The kid seemed to love the word tests, much to Dakota’s discomfort. “This place is a little sterile,” he speaks up, “couldn’t you throw in a couple bean bag chairs or something?”

Phineas shakes his head. “We wanted to create the ideal stasis environment until we could work on a cure. Bean bags could bring in bacteria or absorb some of your lost material.” He turns to Cav. “Speaking of that, can I have the sample you gathered?” 

Zack must’ve told him. Cavendish’s fingers instinctively curl around the bit of Dakota. As if it’s Dakota he’s holding in his hand, he finds himself weirdly protective of it. “He-uh, it’s his ear, he needs it.”

Phineas blinks owlishly at him. He gives Cavendish a half smile. “He’ll get it back, we’re not gonna keep it. We just thought it would be easier on him if we started testing on something that’s not attached to him, something he can’t feel-as a precaution. Like, when a doctor tests for allergies, they don’t expose the allergens to the body, but to a dna sample.”

“Right,” Cavendish responds slowly, wondering if Dakota really couldn’t feel it. It seems he’s having trouble feeling the parts still attached. “Where would you like it?”

Ferb holds up a little clear tray, and Cav assumes he speaks-or, doesn’t speak-for his brother. He has to scrape it off, and Cavendish can’t help but picture Dakota gripping to him like a lifeline, begging him not to let him go, only for Cav to shake him off.

“Let’s get that to sector C,” Phineas glances up at Cav, “you can come with if you’d like to see the rest of our lab now, we do have full surveillance, so he won’t be in danger even if he’s alone.”

“No, I think I’ll stay with him for now,” Cav smiles weakly at the brothers and waves to them as they exit. He walks back over to Dakota, whose eyes are distant. “Love?”

Dakota startles, and presses as hard as he can against the chair. “Nuh, uh, no, no no no, please-“

“Vinnie, please, snap out of it, it’s me,” Cavendish gently takes the ring hanging from his neck and lifts it into Dakota’s line of sight, holding up his hand beside it to show they match. He doesn’t know how else to help, so he just speaks his mind, “I love you.”

Dakota snatches the ring out of his hand, but calms down. “Yeah, yeah, sorry, love you too. This place is just wakin’ up bad memories. Hard to remember what time I’m in, heh.”

“About that,” Cavendish wrings his hands together as he takes a step back. He turns away from Dakota, suddenly terrified, more so than usual. He runs his fingers over his ring. He has to know. He gathers his courage and turns on his heel, “What’s The Island?”

Dakota holds the ring so tightly it sinks into his hand. “What?”

“Every couple of pages, you mention an island,” Cavendish speaks slowly, “on the last page with writing, it just says ‘my turn’ and you scribbled something that looked like a-an island, I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s important.”  
  
Dakota stares at him for a long, long minute. He lets out a breath, and it turns into a quaking laughter. He laughs like a tremor burst through him, like he is both the earthquake and the earth. He laughs, but he falls apart. “You got me.”

“I don’t get anything,” Cavendish wraps his arms around himself, trying to shake the cold around them and the cold permeating from his heart. Dakota always thought he was too smart for his own good, so clever and yet so naive. The intellect of an adult with the heart of a child. And it made Cav wonderful, but it also paved the way for his downfall. “Tell me what the island is.”

“You’re dead.”

Cavendish looks up to see Dakota aiming his finger at him like an invisible gun. Dakota lowers his thumb, jerking it back to mimic shooting Cav straight in the chest. “You’re s’posed to be, at least. A lot of times, actually-damn it, a lot of times.” His arm falls limply to his side. His voice comes out a little weaker, “I couldn’t let you die, y’know? I couldn’t do that. It was you.”

The great destiny Cav thought he was failing to achieve was only to die. The only plan the world had for him was to disappear. “You went back,” He says the obvious. He has nothing else to say.

Dakota nods, focusing on trying to pull the ring out of his hand by its string. Any excuse not to look at Cav. “Yeah, but you can’t have two Dakotas. So I get rid of ‘em, I send ‘em to an island to die without causin’ a fuss. Mr. Block, uh, found out.”

Cav’s breath hitches as Dakota refuses to make eye contact, “V-Vinnie.” Cav whispers as Dakota chuckles.

“We weren’t even together yet. But that’s when I knew I was in love with you. The moment you were gone I realized I didn’t want you to be, don’t know what ya got ‘til it dies, I guess. I’m just surprised that you felt the same.” Dakota bites his lips, but his teeth just go through his soft flesh.

Cav is physically ill at the thought of Dakota dying, rendered useless only by imagining it, but he’s put Dakota through the reverse. And not just once. How stupid could he possibly be? The source of all of Dakota’s suffering is him. The thing hurting the man he loves again and again and again is him.

“I-I’m so sorry.” Cav says softly, not knowing what else to do. Their whole predicament, everything that had brought them to this exact moment was his fault.

“Don’t be.” Dakota whispers, “S’not your fault.”

“How can you say that,” Cav balls his hands into fists, furious at himself. How could he let this happen? And Dakota is still trying to comfort him, to protect him. Still trying to act like all this pain wasn’t because of Cav. He spits his words in disbelief, “Look at you! You’re not even a person!”

Dakota meets his eyes at last, surprised hurt cutting into his face. Horror seeps through Cavendish as he realizes what he just said.

“I didn’t-I just meant-“

Cav shuts up as he sees the tear roll down Dakota’s round cheek. Another chases after it, and before Cav can do anything, he’s openly and quietly sobbing.

Cavendish draws his arms back in, recoiling like a guilty dog who bit a child. He’s afraid to speak, afraid he’ll make things worse. So he does what the universe has been waiting for and disappears.


End file.
